beige flags: the internet’s obsession with normalcy

the latest dating trend to sweep tiktok – beige flags.

we’ve gone from spotting red flags (danger! run!) to green flags (they’re a keeper) and now, apparently, we need to point out all the beige flags too. these are the quirks that aren't deal-breakers but aren’t exactly cute or charming either. but why does the world need to know what your boyfriend’s beige flag is? and what even is a beige flag? why are we so obsessed with labelling every little thing people do?

so, what exactly is a beige flag? it’s when someone has a weird quirk, but it’s not a huge issue. it's not a red flag, a sign you should definitely bail, and it's not a green flag that shows they're the perfect partner. it’s somewhere in the middle. some examples would be someone who never finishes a tv show, someone who overuses emojis, someone who constantly forgets where they put their phone, someone who eats cereal with water… you get the gist. quirky? yes. reason to break up? probably not. but the whole idea of beige flags brings us to a bigger question: why are we so obsessed with defining everything in terms of flags?

understanding this obsession with categorising behaviour takes us back to the work of erving goffman, a sociologist who developed the idea of symbolic interactionism. this theory is all about how people create meanings and understandings through everyday interactions. goffman focused a lot on the concept of norms – the unwritten rules of society that define what’s “normal” and what’s not. 

labelling behaviour as red, green, or beige flags taps into our need to quickly understand people and social situations. goffman would call this impression management. we’re always trying to make sense of the people we meet and the interactions we have. these labels, like beige flags, are shortcuts for figuring out what’s “normal” and what’s not.

but… who decides what’s a beige flag? who gets to decide what’s a weird quirk versus a sign of something deeper? social norms play a huge role here. what’s considered “normal” is often just what’s most common or socially accepted in a particular group. in one group of friends, someone who prefers pineapple on pizza might be seen as quirky but normal, while in another, it’s definitely a red flag.

it’s like we’re all trying to fit into this narrow definition of normal, and any little deviation gets put into a box marked “beige flag.”

what makes the beige flag phenomenon so interesting from a sociological perspective is how it reflects goffman’s theory of stigmatisation. according to goffman, people who don’t fit societal norms can be stigmatised or seen as less-than. beige flags, in a way, are a softer form of this. when we point out someone’s beige flag, we’re saying, “this isn’t quite normal.” it’s not a full-on judgement, like a red flag, but it’s still a way of marking someone’s behaviour as slightly off.

and while it might seem harmless, constantly identifying beige flags can actually reinforce our obsession with normalcy. it pushes the idea that there’s a “right” way to be, that there’s a specific set of behaviours that are acceptable and anything outside of that is something to be noted or even judged.

so, is this the future of dating? are we going to continue categorising every tiny thing our partners do into red, green, and beige flags? honestly, it’s not looking great. beige flags might seem harmless or even funny, but they point to a larger trend: our obsession with defining and controlling the way people behave in relationships.

we’ve gone from learning about each other through experience and time, to instantly judging someone based on a tiktok trend. it feels like the need to define everyone’s quirks and habits is just another way of controlling how “normal” we expect people to be.